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Supporting a Teen Dealing with Depression

A little girl with hands over her face on a black background

It’s incredibly difficult to see someone you love struggle with depression, especially your child. Teens having to cope with depression has been on the rise and it’s hard to know how to support them. Many parents find themselves stuck between not wanting to push their child to much (to potentially cause more harm), but also not wanting to let them get away with staying in bed all day. Teenagers are incredibly inconsistent. One minute they can successfully do something, and the next minute they do not know where to start. The same occurs when dealing with mental health. One day your loved one may be able to get through all the day’s activities and appear happy, the next they can’t get out of bed to shower.

Below are five things that you can do when supporting a teenager dealing with depression:

  1. Be open to discussing emotions: it’s not always easy to hear how your child is feeling, but it can be important to have open communication about feelings. There are many reasons as to why youth might hide their emotions; they don’t know how they feel, the worry about burdening you, they feel shame for their emotions, they don’t think you will understand, you haven’t responded to them in the way they have needed, etc. We can encourage them to open up more about their feeling by incorporating phrases like “I am here for you if you ever want to talk”, “I know I haven’t always responded in the way you have needed, but I am going to continue to try and find the best ways to support you” and “your emotions are important to me, and I am always here for you if you need it”.

  1. Educate yourself about depression: Its vital for parents to understand what their child is going through physiologically and psychologically. Although not directly expressed, many youth appreciate a parents effort to try and understand what they are going through. This education is also important for you to learn evidence-based strategies for supporting depression and setting realistic expectations.

  1. Focus on gradual behavioural expectations: When someone is feeling depressed, they often do not have the motivation to engage in everyday life activities such as bathing, eating, brushing their teeth, getting out of bed, or going to school/work. If your teenage is struggling with this, its encouraged to slowly get them back to these activities. You could start by introducing a small schedule where they change clothes, bath, and brush their teeth at the same time each day. After a week or two of this schedule, you can then add in more expectations. By making the process gradual, you often can get more buy in from the youth and help them feel more successful each time they get control over each step. If you don’t have buy in, we can use other forms of motivation as rewards. This could include their favourite breakfast, getting more internet time, or doing an activity they enjoy.

  1. Be open to hearing feedback from your youth: this one comes along with the first one about openly discussing emotions. I think that after everyone’s emotions have simmered a bit, it can be helpful to go back to discuss how things went. If you can get into a place where you can be curious about how your child felt during that interaction, and if they have any ideas moving forward, it can really help to build a foundation of trust and connection (something that is important for the recovery from depression). Sometimes youth will offer feedback that is unreasonable such as “this is why you should always leave me alone” or “you should let me have my phone at all times”. We can still hold our limits firm and express validation for their wants.

  1. Seek your own support: often we are so focused on getting our children support that we forget that we could also benefit from it as well. Having a safe place to discuss your worries and emotions, can help you be a more authentic and present parent. Support can look different for each person. This could be a family member, partner, friend or professional.

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