For many people the holidays are a joyous and celebratory time, but for others it can be filled with many difficult emotions. Many people are going through the holidays after a loss, separation, or a difficult year. On top of these emotions, we also have this societal expectation that we should be happy and grateful during this season, and we are constantly reminded of other people’s successes/happiness on the news, in holiday movies, and social media.
I wanted to dedicate this post to those who are struggling this time of year. It’s not easy to have to appear happy, while silently struggling on the inside. Below are a few ways to try and cope through this time of year:
Limit social media: social media can be a big trigger for many. Birth, pregnancy, and proposal announcements, people celebrating with families, travelling, or expressing gratitude. All these reminders can bring feelings of dread, inadequacy, jealousy, comparison, sadness, anxiety, grief, etc. It’s okay to take a break during the holidays from these reminders. I also encourage people to remember that what we see on social media is a filter of that person’s reality. People always try to portray the best image of themselves, and what we see may not always be accurate to what they are dealing with.
It’s okay not to celebrate/decorate: for some people they may need to take a break from the holiday in general. I remember one client who was grieving a parent, felt like they could not celebrate Christmas one year (the first year after their loss). They felt immense guilt for wanting to boycott the holiday in general. For some, they need to treat the holiday season like any other time of the year. If this is where you are at in your mental health journey, it’s okay to honor this need.
Take care of yourself: when we are dealing with strong emotions, we tend to stop engaging in self-care. We may stay in bed longer, eat more or less, skip showers, avoiding seeing people, etc. During this difficult time, it is important to maintain healthy habits. By maintaining these habits, we are showing ourselves that we are important. Although small, it adds up to overall shifts in our mental health.
Reach out for support: Although it seems easier to deal with emotions on our own, sometimes it’s better to have someone who can pull us out of our slump. We often worry that we are burdening others with these emotions, however, most support people would rather support you than learn that you suffered alone. If you have one person, or a group of people, who understand and feel supportive/safe, it’s okay to rely on them during these times. If you worry about burdening them, you can also ask them if it’s okay to talk about something difficult. Most often, people will be okay with it, but this also gives them a choice to evaluate if they can manage these feelings.
Create your own traditions: sometimes we get wrapped up in how others expect us to celebrate or act this time of year. If you are at a place where these celebrations no longer match your values, its okay to re-invent how you celebrate. Maybe you decide to read your favourite book on Christmas eve, watch a horror movie on new year’s eve, or order in Chinese food for Christmas dinner. There is no one way to celebrate, and you are allowed to make a new tradition that makes you look forward to this time of year.
Go easy on yourself: When we are not living up to societal expectations, or goals we set for ourselves, that inner critic inside our head tends to become loud. I always encourage people to breathe through these thoughts and reply with self-compassion statements. These could look like “I did the best I could this year with all that happened”, “its okay to not be okay”, or “this difficult time will pass”. Going easy on yourself can also be done through actions of self-care: have a nice bath, indulge in the coffee, or buy yourself a small gift.
The holidays are difficult for many, and (although it seems like it) you are not alone. I work with many individuals who dread this time of year and are counting the days until it’s over. Before you know it, the holidays will pass, and the normal busyness of life will continue. Do what you need to do to get through these times with comfort, calmness and self-compassion.